[.x.] s t o r m [.x.]

[Kitteh <-]

.v. C R A Z E .v.

A storm was on it's way and it was obvious. The air around me showed signs. The once blue sky was now a dull and dark gray. The cool tropic breeze was now whipping against my pelt. My vision was clouded by large flurries of snow. Shelter seemed to be the main thing to concentrate on, yet my mind was off. I knew I should find Layla before the storm. Winds could left either of us of the ground, and I'd hate to have something like that happen. Knowing Layla, she would probably wouldn't be in shelter.

I wasn't really worried about anyone else on Bronx Clan. The pups who were now grown up, had left the clan. I doubted they had a hope of returning, either. This island had made so many lives miserable. Blaming the island, there I went. It wasn't this shit hole of an island's fault. I was to blame. My eyes focused in the snow as I pushed myself forward, ignoring the stabs of snow hitting my face. I barked into the air, but the howling wind smoothered it.

I was heavily weighed done by my soaked pelt, but hey, this is what I was bred for. This cold weather, it used to be my life. The team of dogs behind me, the cold crisp air. This air was a little more then cold and crisp, but it was fine. I pushed harder, my speed increasing. I was almost picked up off my paws. This, although, very dangerous, had much adrenaline and I was even enjoying myself whilst I searched for Layla.

[Spot]

.xx. Layla .xx.

x. He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days .x.

I felt alone. I felt lost. I felt confused. I felt hidden. I felt invisible. I had so many mixed feelings running through my head. I laid there on the beach just staring into space not giving one damn about what was going on around me. I had pushed everyone away. I was standing alone now. The Bronx clan was close to no more. All of my pups had disappeared and one doesn't even remember who he was or where he came from. This broke my heart. My heart that once was never able to be broken. The heart once never existed there and now was shattered. My life has changed so fast I couldn't handle it anymore.

I wanted to give up. It was so much easier to run away then it was to fight against it now. I use to fight against everything, maybe that is what brought me here. Maybe my mind set was too close to the impossible. The impossible didn't happen and I was stuck. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had no idea who was in the clan anymore. Ice disappeared along with the pups but they didn't leave together they left seperately.

I sighed. I was a messed up bitch. A bitch who no one not even her once close friends and family cared about anymore. I screwed my life over. I should've seen this coming but I am blind. I wish I could've seen the future maybe I could've stopped this. What was my point anymore? Could I actually suspect myself to get over this and move on? Is it even possible to start over when your once family and friends are all spread throughout the island probably speaking shit of this once strong clan that is ran by two idiots? I grunted at the thought. I couldn't start over. The only thing I could wish for was that the humans would actually pull through with my wishes and take me off this island and place me somewhere else.

I wanted a fresh start. I could forget easily if I pushed my mind to it. I could do it but it was just the fact of being on this island too much would connect myself to the past. I couldn't deal with that. If I could keep everyone that was once in the clan but isn't anymore away and that included my pups, Ice, and possibly Crystal if she wasn't here anymore but if I kept Crystal, Ice would be soon to follow. I cringed at the thought of cutting off my only friend left, Crystal. I still didn't even know if she still trusted me or cared for me but I only hoped. I wish there was some sort of hope out of all of this that didn't include death. That would help me anyway but everyone else who hates me now. I didn't want to die....

You could say I was half dead really. My mind wasn't on earth anymore and I was always in my own world. i was like a walking zombie. I wasn't the same since this all happened. I was tramaized. I couldn't believe that I could be so flat left. I knew it was coming but I didn't suspect it so soon. I cried. Why can't my punishment be over? I accept it. I knew I deserved it but I didn' want it anymore. I want out of my misery. I wanted to be a free spirit again and not bound to this hell I created. I was torturing myself under my own command how could anyone else live here peacefully.

I coudl leave but then I would be leaving everything to be destroyed. Not that I could save these lands anymore, it was a dead zone now. I had no heiress anymore. Rumor took off with Zero. I whimpered at my thoughts. I wanted peace again. I want my life back. The life I loved before all of this. I want myself back. I wanted to be me again. I needed some serious therapy and I couldn't give that to myself....I was lost. Could anyone save me?

I felt the harsh gusts of wind hit my pelt as I stared into space. I snapped into reality and realized what was happening an extreme harsh winter storm was coming. My sight and scent was disabled. I couldn't see or smell anything. I was trapped in the harsh winds and icey snow. I kept my head on my paws though and I thought I heard a faint bark but I couldn't tell if it was the wind or if it really was another dog. I sighed and just stayed there laying there.

If the storm wanted to take me, let it. I had nothing to live for anymore...

[Kitteh <-]

C R AZ E

[!] But oh how it feels so real!
Lying here with no one near,
Only you and you can't hear me.
When I say softly, slowly [!]

I could only run as the weather got worse. My paws dug in the ground. I headed for the beach, once I was there, I'd be submissed to the worst weather, but I was positive; Layla was out there.

It was clear. She wasn't herself, not the Layla I knew. It was fine, the times were rough. The pups had all left. Ice left her. He was much of a friend to her. I knew how she loved him. How he was her brother, but he didn't deserve it. The way he treated her, they were constinly fightinhg; usually about me, the clan. How he told her her failures, her screw ups. It made me mad. There was nothing I could do about him though.

My paws hit the beach with speed, I raced towards the raging water, down the sand. As my paws hit the ground, flurries of snow raised. I could see a figure of a dog laying in the sand. I knew, I just knew that was Layla. I stopped running, my paws skidding into the ground, I landed right by the dog's side.

It was Layla. I licked her cheek once. "Come with me, love." I said in her ear. I knew she would rather die in this storm then live through the life she had now. It made me sad; knowinng I didn't do a good job as a mate, as a father. I nudged her, "It's okay."


[!] Hold me closer tiny dancer,
Count the headlights on the highway.
Lay me down in sheets of linen,
you had a busy day today. [!]

[Spot]

.xx. Layla .xx.

x. He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days .x.

Was it so hard to ask for just a bit of sanity? Was it to hard to ask for the world to just make sense for atleast five minutes of the day? Why did my life have to be the shit hole. Why was I cursed? I should've realized all this when I was left to fend for myself when my mother was taken by dog catchers. I should've realized that was my time to die. I wasn't supose to of been still alive. I wasn't supose to have fought against nature and get to where I am now. i was being punished for out going my destiny. My destiny was to be killed at a young age. I was probably just a fucked up dog to begin with and i wasn't supose to expose my fucked upness to the world so to get rid of me, the mistake, I was supose to be killed.

I was harsh on myself. I didn't give myself a break. I knew what I had done but maybe I was blowing this out of proportion...or maybe not...I was just killing myself more agruing with myself, playing twenty questions. I wanted to scream in agony. I wanted this pain to go away. I had no heart anymore. I was just a souless zombie lost on earth. Would my heart ever become repaired? I highly doubt, it was shattered for good. I felt the gapping hole that tooks it's place and it hurt. I felt like i couldn't breath.

I came out of my thoughts again by some gasping noise. I realized it was me. I wasn't breathing and I was gasping for air. I couldn't breath. The hole in my chest was casuing me so much pain I couldn't breath. I was gasping for air, having a panic attack. i guess that was what it was. However, you would think I was panicing that I was going to die because I was stuck in this storm but that storm wasn't on my mind at all, this was something different. All I knew was I couldn't catch my breath.

My eyes spun around me as I tried to catch my breath. I felt my body going in an up and down motion as I gasped for breath. Was this it? WOuld this panic attack take me? Was that how I was supose to die? A voice caught my attention from my death thoughts. The voice registered in my head quickly, it was Craze. He tried to push me up to get me to walk but I just stumbled back down. I didn't meet him eyes. My gasping for breath seemed to stopped but my eyes were still spinning around looking in every willing direction. I didn't know what was wrong but my chest ached and my head spun and my eyes darted in different directions.

He said it was okay. It was far from okay and I knew he knew that. I knew it wasn't ok at all. If it was ok my chest wouldn't be throbbing in pain where my heart once was. Thinks would make sense right now, and most of all I wouldn't be going insane. Nothing was alright and never would be. It filled me with rage knowing this. i felt my body heat up and my eyes narrowed and concentrated on my thoughts of never being alright. I let out a huge loud growl from my throat, not at Craze. I was going insane and had no control over ym actions. I needed extreme help and fast before I did something I would regret...

[Kitteh <-]

C R A Z E

[!] What'll you do when you get lonely?
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride. [!]

The wind rustled my pelt. The cold air blew all around us. Snow blew in our faces. I sighed sadly as Layla refused to get up. She started shaking. Her chest pounding as her breaths became unsteady. Now was not the time for a breakdown. Not the time, or the place.

Only meters off, a large tree toppled. "Oh, Layla." I sighed in distress. I quickly wrapped my jaws around the scruff of her neck. The weather around was dangerous. I carried her off the beach, into the nearest den, that we once shared. In the dry warmth of the den, I laid down beside Layla.

My body shaking, I was scared. How could I have let everything fail apart? How could I even think about doing that to Layla? God knows I tried. I sighed sadly, at least we were in the safety of shelter.

[!] Let's make the best of the situation,
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way,
And tell me all my love's in vain. [!]

[/size][/center]

[Spot]

.xx. Layla .xx.

x. He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days .x.

I wanted to howl and scream and just go nuts. I wanted to get out everything. I couldn't hold in the rage anymore, the pain. It was bubbling up inside me. It was heating my body. The source? It was the gapping black hole where my heart once beated. It ached more now.

I wanted to die. I wanted to give up yet I held on. I felt my scruff be grabbed and I just let my body go limp. I didn't care anymore. I let Craze drag me to where ever we were going. He dragged to me what I thought was a den but my eye sight was all fuzzy still. I saw Craze but he just looked like a big blob. I sighed and turned away from him just staring at the black cold den wall.

I felt like life was over. It was close to it atleast. How could one recover from sucha blow? I could recover from battle wounds, heck I could survive shark attacks yet when I was attack dead on my by emotion and have my heart ripped apart by loved ones leaving I should no chance. I was like that helpless pup I once was.

I gagged. I didn't know why I gagged but I didn't know what I was doing anymore so it didn't matter. I was lost in my mind again. I was picturing things and scaring the shit out of myself from reality. Why was reality so scary? Why was my reality so scary, anyway. All I saw were faces of my pups, Rumor and Zero the most. They effected me the most since i hardly knew them and RUmor ran away from her heiress position. The next would be Arrow. His shocked and clueless expression of not knowing anything about himself anymore. I quickly shook the images away but then Ice's face appeared and his stern some what evil glare burned my skull. I cringed and whined at the images. For some reason I felt like I've let him down which I don't really think that was true. Maybe it was more that he let me down? I thought he would forever be on my side....

I only just remembered that Craze was next to me. I turned my head not lifting it off the ground just sliding it to face him. My eyes were big with worry and sadness. The first I've ever really shown such emotion so vaguely. I wasn't myself and I was hruting more than I have ever hurt before, more than I have hurt when I was ever in battle.

"I'm sorry..." I was able to spit out in a whisper. I felt bad he had to live through this seeing me this way. It wasn't his fault, it was mine and would always be. I bought everything upon myself.

[Kitteh <-]

[!] What'll you do when you get lonely?
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride. [!]

My body still shaking; from the stress, the let downs, all the failures that I could easily count. My eyes seemed to burn a hole through the den wall.

The pups hated me and Layla. I tried so hard, but I just wasn't meant to be social. I realized it soon after the pups were born. The quiet words of Layla easily drowned out the sound of the storm.

"Don't be." I sighed in response. "It was never your fault, love." I whispered, then leaned in and licked her ear once. I tried to smile, but the smile came out crooked. I just stared at Layla, and closed my eyes a moment later.


[!] Let's make the best of the situation,
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way,
And tell me all my love's in vain. [!]

[Spot]

.xx. Layla .xx.

x. He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days .x.

The whind whistled into the enterance of the cave. It hurt my ears it was so high pitched. I cringed away from the noise quickly trying to turn it out but it was very diffcult. Why didn't life just take me now? I was already beyond miserable. I didn't understand. Why didn't life make any sense? Why did it have to be so difficult.

Wasn't my fault? Are you kidding me. I slowly sat up and looked at Craze with a confused and angered expression. I knew what he was doing. He wasn't admitting it but he was blaming this on himself. I could tell. I saw it right through him. This wasn't his fault. You can't blame someone for being them and just because people don't like you then that's too bad there is someone out there who likes you. I on the other hand had changed from what I use to be and the new me everyone doesn't like. i wish I could go back. If I was in New York City I would be myself in no time. COUld this seriously be just an effect of home sickness that I was never getting over? Come it it's been atleast two or three years since we left New York City. This didn't make sense.

"Don't be blaming yourself for this Craze. It isn't your fault." I said with a bit of annoyance to my tone. I didn't want him to be depressed just because I was. He could go, live his life. He didn't have to sit here with some emotional helpless bitch who he once had loved and maybe still loved. He did didn't he? I mean he was here so I guess he did.

[Kitteh <-]

C R A Z E

[!] What'll you do when you get lonely?
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride. [!]

Layla was never going to accept that this wasn't all her fault. Her sorrows all weren't caused by herself. I sighed, and just looked at Layla. What I would do to have things back to normal. I could never expect that though. She was depressed, and it pained me to know things may never get better. I wanted them to, but I reallly fucked up this time.

First; I let my love get murdered back in Alaska. Then, Layla seems close to insanity. She told me it wasn't my fault. She blamed herself for all of this fucking life. It wasn't. We laid together in the silence, just the sound of the wind peircing my ears.

I was restless, I would never sleep the same. Layla's body was close to mine. I remembered all the nights like this. Only, neither of us were sad, sad to the brink of insanity. We mostly laid in silence, but our minds were spinning. My thoughts were burning holes in my mind, I'd never be able to think the same way again.

"I love you, Layla. I always will. Don't forget that." I murmured into the darkness of the den.


[!] Let's make the best of the situation,
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way,
And tell me all my love's in vain. [!]

Out of Character:*sob sob sob* How emotional!

[/size]

[Spot]

.xx. Layla .xx.

x. He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days .x.

What was there to do? We couldn't start over, could we? How was it possible. I mean the island as only so big. We couldn't just run away from it we were surrounded by water. We couldn't swim away. We were stuck. COuld the humans actually please me this once in my life?

I rolled onto my back but the throbbing pain in my chest just hurt even more so I quickly turned to lay back down on my stomach. I put my head on my paws and sighed in pain again. No one could feel or understand the pain I was in right now. I had a feeling I would be stuck with this pain forever. A heart could only be broken so far until it was unrepairable. I was sure my heart made it past that point. It was like a giant battle scar you couldn't get rid of. However, no one could see this and the only one who could feel it enough to live through the past that created it was myself.

Craze said he loved me. So I still had him through all this. However our love seemed to be the major problem of everything but I couldn't stop myself from loving someone. I still loved all of my pups and Ice and Crystal. My love for them wouldn't stop no matter how much time has passed. I would be stuck with these memories, unfortuneatly.

I sighed. I wanted to tell Craze I loved him too but I couldn't find the words. I couldn't speak...

I shut my eyes for a second and thought. Well actually I didn't think I just shut my mind off, cut myself off from thoughts for a second. I reopened my eyes and turned my head to look at Craze and I sat up. "I love you too..." I said but my sentence dragged as I could tell. I still couldn't control myself.

I took a deep breath in and let it out through my nose to soothe me, it didn't help much but I wanted to attempt, to try somethig to calm myself. I looked at Carze again. "Now what? What are we going to go?" For once I had no clue what Iw as going to do with my life. I felt stuck..

[Kitteh <-]

. . C R A Z E . .


The storm was clearly getting worse. Dirt tumbled from the walls as the tree above us seemed to shake. I closed my eyes. Layla's voice almost sounded weaker as she responded. I sighed, turning my head to look at her. I smiled an almost sad smile. I wanted her to be happy, but what could fix everything done? I was so unsure when she asked me; what do we do now? I honestly didn't know. The clan is dead, or so it seemed. Our family has run off, or, completely forgot about us. Layla's friends seemed to abandon her. Or at least it seemed Ice did. I hadn't seen Crystal in so long, I hoped she still loved Layla like the sisters they always seemed to be. Everything she once had seemed to be gone and I didn't know what to say.

How I wanted to give her reassurance, but I didn't know. I just didn't. Roots around the wall seemed to begin pulling out. I put my head over Layla's in case the tree was falling out, putting us vulnerable to the storm. The tree didn't fall, but I could hear a trunk from a near by tree crack. "Shit." I grunted. Storms used to be fun. In the wide open snow fields, it used to be fun pulling along with a team of dogs. Now, it made things worse. In the middle of a forest, trees falling around us, no one was happy, or safe for that matter. The trunk of the near by tree cracked more, until it was falling. I held my breath, if it fell on our tree. . .

Thankfully it didn't. The tree landed. I opened my eyes; only to see it had landed snug in front of the den opening. There seemed no escape now. I scanned it over, when the storm dies, I could probably push it from the way, I noted. To answer Layla's question, though. I sighed. "I don't know what we can do." I admitted. "I'm sorry." My eyes trailed back to the blocked door.

"We can move it when the storm ends." I said quietly. Resting my head on my paws, I closed my eyes. I only wanted to know what we did to have the luck we do.

[Spot]

.xx. Layla .xx.

x. He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days .x.

I felt the storm grow harsher. The wind whistle and threw itself against the den walls making some dirt and rocks fall from the den. It felt as though the den was going to cave in on us. Oh please let it, maybe that would kill me and put me out of my misery. Of course my thoughts came crashing down as I heard the tree next to the tree above our den fall in the opposite direction and not on out tree that would cause the den to collaspe. Instead thetree landed right infront of our den's enterance. My pupils adjusted to the nearly drawn pitch blackness as the tree blocked the light that was coming in from the enterance. We were stuck in the den now. I could of probably moved it but in this state I was as weak as a twig. If you just pushed me I would crack into a million pieces like a fallen mirror.

Craze said he didn't know what we could do. I wasn't convinced. I knew, I just knew there had to be something. There was always something and no one would ever be able to convince me other wise unless I was shown it. I stood up and started to pace back and forth between the enterance of the den where the tree now laid and to the back of the den. I was grunting in annoyance every so often. I looked at Craze. My mood swings weren't very fun. "No. I know there is something. Anything. I want to do anything to get rid of this pain. I will do anything. I don't want to live like this, never. We must do something!" I barked.

[Kitteh <-]

craze

My eyes were fixed on the tree that blocked the entrance. I knew, it was obvious, that Layla was wishing the tree came down on her. She didn’t want to live, and I knew it. I sadly shut my eyes. The air around me was icy cold, but my body was heating up. It was hot, almost burning. My eyes shot open as pain ripped through my chest. Was I imaging it? A loud ringing filled my ears. Layla’s voice seemed so far away. I hesitated, and slowly got up to my paws. My breaths were loud and slow.

“Of course, there is always something we can do.” I said, cringing slightly. “But there isn’t anything we can do until this storm dies.” I muttered, and from the sounds of things, it may be days. This pain, I realized, was in my chest. IT felt like some one wad ripping a huge part of my heart. I knew we were on a down hill slope to nothing. Without Layla, I'd have nothing. No friends, hardly a family. Bronx means nothing to me now. I'd be alone.

Is this how I would die? This pain? I heaved myself up, and padded till I was face to face with Layla. "You're my life, love." I whispered, barely audible. I licked her cheek, and threw myself at the log. I couldn't stand being locked up. Storm or no storm. I thrust myself at it until it moved. Then, I forced myself into the storm.

I padded away, the wind blasting against my pelt. I came to the cliffs, staring aimlessly. Suddenly, a farce howl broke through my throat. It could be heard over the storm. All untied ends were tied. Maybe, it was my time to go.. I glanced down the cliff, falling from her would kill me.

What does one do when their only thing left wants to die? I put one paw, hesitantly over the drop. Layla had lived through all her near death accidents, because it was meant. "If I.." I said aloud, "Make this fall.. It was meant for me to live." I sighed.

Without anymore hesitation, I threw myself over the ledge.. And.


It wasn't meant to be.